Chapter 9: Take a Chill Pill
A White Gay’s Guide for Dealing with the Black Community:
Chapter 9: Take A Chill
THE PROBLEM:
Strong feelings of entitlement, refusal to work with others, racism, extreme issues with class, sudden temper tantrums
THE PRESCRIPTION:
Take as needed one chill pill with a large glass of reality…
The gay community needs to take a chill pill…seriously. Protesting President Barack Obama outside of the Beverly Hilton Hotel during a fundraiser may make the evening news but does very little to persuade public opinion—which is the reason for the passage of Proposition 8 in the first place. At a time when so many Californian’s are unemployed and living at or below the poverty line, now would be a good time for gays to show that the fight for marriage is about making life better for all of us, rather than some of us.
California voters are waist deep in the middle of an economic nightmare, and for many Blacks, well let’s just say that they’re in danger of drowning. With everything from health insurance for the poor, financial help for unemployed single mothers, and the elimination a State program that provides antiviral drugs for people living with AIDS on the Governor’s $24.3-billion budget deficit chopping block, some would say that right now we’ve got bigger fish to fry. Which is not to say that I’m suggesting that the gay community give up the fight for marriage all together, after all I am a lesbian. But what I am saying is that the fight for marriage doesn’t surpass the bread and butter issues that are plaguing millions of Californian’s today.
Using the California Supreme Court’s decision to uphold Proposition 8 as an excuse to go out into the streets and protest and throw temper tantrums isn’t going to evoke any sympathy from Black voters who supported Proposition 8. And whether you like it or not, sooner or later the issue of gay marriage will comeback to those same Black voters and it’s what happens now that is going to make all of the difference in how voters react when they’re faced with it on their ballot again.
To that end, protesting the first Black President isn’t going to get the gay community very far with Blacks, especially considering the fact that most Blacks are still reveling in the fact that’s he’s in Office. Not to mention the fact that President Obama’s position on gay marriage was made perfectly clear before he was ever elected into office and it was no different than his then rival Senator Hillary Clinton in that he has said that he supports civil unions, but he is against gay marriage.
Threatening to boycott Black churches and businesses—while laughable because most white gays do very little business in the Black community—will not help the cause of gay marriage advocates. Besides the fact that those same gays would first have to attend the churches in questions or frequent the businesses to be blacklisted, in the end it would only enrage a constituency that you will undoubtedly need in the future.
Using well-meaning Black politicians as surrogates into the Black community to plead the case for gays isn’t going to work either as our Governor found out May 19 during California’s Special Election when Black voters rejected 5 of 6 Democratic backed initiatives. This, even after the Governor and those same well-meaning Black politicians who have been on the receiving end of financial contributions from gay political organizations, made the rounds at the local Black churches urging for their support sending the Democrats back to the drawing board.
Chances are that this fight is not going to be remedied by the courts or the Legislature, but by popular opinion, which means that at some point we’ll all be headed back to the ballot to cast our vote. So threatening to withhold political contributions and endorsements of Black candidates because of their position on gay marriage isn’t going to work. Sorry. Unless the gay community changes it’s “entitlement” strategy, we can expect to go around and around on this issue as we do year in and year out. This is good for some because it keeps a lot of folks employed and a lot of money being raised and changing hands, but in the end does nothing to change the fact that gays still can’t legally marry in California.
If the gay community is really serious about marriage then they need to act like it and start running the kind of campaigns that bring them closer to the constituencies that they need instead of alienating them. And until they can figure out a way to do that, whether they like it or not, popular opinion is going to be against them.
The Court of Public Opinion
Loading ...Previous Chapters
- Chapter One: Stop Preaching to the Choir
- Chapter Two: Blaming Blacks for Whites Behavior
- Chapter Three: Listen to Black Gays When it Comes to Black People…Duh!
- Chapter Four: Just STFU Already
- Chapter Five: Those Who Live in a Glass House Shouldn’t Throw Stones…
- Chapter Six: Why Fighting for Gay Marriage is A Privilege
- Chapter Six Part Two: STFU Part Two and Why I am Going to Start the ‘Black Alliance Against Defamation From Gays’
- Chapter Seven: Prop. 8 and Fallacy of Single Issue Politics
- Chapter Eight: The Sad Professah
You realize, Jasmyne, that all you do is basically say, “you white gays are stupid when you do X, Y Z.” And “you white guys should not do A, B, C.” So what should they be doing Jasmyne? How should they be pursuing marriage rights? Instead of throwing stones and making personal attacks, why don’t you be constructive and positive? Turn your bitterness and self-loathing into affirmative work with coalitions. Inform. Don’t denigrate. And check your racism. You have no credibility in incessantly calling others racists when you are the biggest racist around.
Tanya, I thought she did just that when she said:
“If the gay community is really serious about marriage then they need to act like it and start running the kind of campaigns that bring them closer to the constituencies that they need instead of alienating them. And until they can figure out a way to do that, whether they like it or not, popular opinion is going to be against them.”
What part of that didn’t you get?
Somebody’s hating and the somebody looks like you Tanya.
The part Tanya doesn’t “get” is that when Jasmyne refers to the “gay community,” she is not including herself.
Tanya, why dont you help white gays and their mafia check their racism before you go out at very few genuine black voices around in gay community. You are mad because Jas is not like some tokens of color that white gay mafia has recruited to set up a storefront for white gays and those tokens have lent their colorness and blackness to white gays to use to make a case for marriage only. So, before you call Jas a racism look into mirror youself and hold that mirror in front of white gays and then come back to tell us what you and your white gays see.
White gays are the biggest hypocrites around. They bitch about being “discriminated” against when that is all they have done to even their own LGBT people of color. Tanya, have you forgotten how blk men were and still treated in white gay bars in Castro? Even Latinos who generally make it to these bars because of their light skin have complained. Don’t you wanna tell us about those exclusive spaces that white gays both girls and boys have created on both coasts..Ptown, Chelsea, west hollywood etc…
Do these white gays care when our people were and still are dying of AIDS, getting killed by cops, discriminated at work because of color…when you or your white gays showed up at a protest against police brutality or joined hands with a blk group in holding an employer accountable…no..no and NO..because they themselves discriminate against all LGBT folks of color..
I just say read Jas’s book on racism closely and if you can’t change leave our communities alone and stop sending your fake messengers of color that you have hired to us and stop invading our social and political spaces..
Finally, white gay mafia has NO right to protest against Obama..all these white gays were supporting Hillary so Obama owes them nothing..do a google search with names of white gay leaders and you’d see how much they donated to Hillary…
And please don’t even mention threatening the boycotts of black owned busniesses for many reasons: first there is no economic connection between white gays and minority owned businesses so those boycotts would not be successful and second which other community of color white gays would target next — latinas and Asians if they are already not a target of bigotry of white gays. NO white gays would need those Asians and Latinas for all the services that those communities provide so boycott would fail there too…and such tactics would only backfire against white gay mafia and is not going to win any support .
America will not turn into a petite France if we institute Civil Unions for All and Single Payer Universal Health Care. What we would be is one step closer to creating The Beloved Community MLK jr. envisioned. We pay trillions to bail out crooks and wage war, while people are losing their jobs and homes. If we spent our tax money on us (health, education, and state-side job creation), we could make it work. Please support Barack! He has advocated for Civil Unions for All and, despite his most recent flub, Single-Payer Universal Health Care. He needs us to be more vocal with our WDC reps. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for! Get him the legislation via our WDC representation. He WILL sign the bills into law.
Jas,
As usual, beautifully stated.
And once again thank you for telling it like it is.
TINA (There Is No Alternative) is the cry of many LGBT/SGL marriage advocating non-profit industrial complex organizations (http://www.incite-national.org/index.php?s=100). However, there are alternatives to “marriage”. There is a panoply of familial structures in the U.S.A. Most DO NOT comport with the “Dad, Mom, 2.5 kids” paradigm. As we strive for Committed Couple Equality AND Security for All Families, seek out viable ALTERNATIVES to “marriage” so that ALL FAMILIES are supported, not just ones formed under the auspices of “marriage”.
shame on white gay mafia for ignoring the issues of poor, HIV+ and LGBT people of color and imposing their marriage on all of us so they protect their wealth. They have no right to protest Obama and I bet these white gays would not issue a peep if it were Hillary Clinton in the office. Remember, what clintons did to gays and still got the support…I say “boycott” this white gay mafia which is running the show for all gays — no they don’t speak for many of us and don’t let these white racist gay orgs come into our communities to sell their racist agenda. Although I support equal rights for everyone this time around they aren’t getting none from me unless they start supporting first their own people of color.
“Protesting President Barack Obama outside of the Beverly Hilton Hotel during a fundraiser may make the evening news but does very little to persuade public opinion”
Public opinion was not the target. Obama was. The protests weren’t limited to marriage equality. Obama claimed to be a “fierce advocate” of the GLBT community. He promised repeal of DADT when he wanted our votes. Now that he’s in office repealing DADT is on the far back burner.
Public protests are a way to remind him that he’s being held accountable now that he’s in office.
I voted for him; I donated money to him several times and when he pisses me off he’s going to hear about it. It’s not a temper tantrum—it’s called exercising my duty as a citizen to participate in the governance of my country.
When I read the first line or two, “THE PROBLEM: Strong feelings of entitlement, refusal to work with others, racism, extreme issues with class, sudden temper tantrums…”, I assumed the author was describing black people. It’s interesting that the author feels that way about whites, and many whites feel that way about blacks.
Also, I noticed in several articles lately that black people are capitalizing the word “black”. Unless it’s your name, it’s not capitalized. I am sure the learned Ms. Cannick is aware of that. To us English majors, it makes it look like you don’t know any better. If we want to be taken seriously (we meaning minorities of any sort), we must not take liberties with the English language! Enough, already! Get a Harbrace College Handbook if you need to.
I appreciate that the author feels we need to unite; I agree. But I know first hand that there is racism and bias everywhere, including (especially?) in the black community. I experience it every day. Let’s name it and move on.
Peace,
Sam
Jasmyne isn’t helping the black community or the gay community. Because actually the black community really isn’t needed to pass same-sex marriage. Sorry, but it’s not strategically beneficial to bend over backwards for 5% of the electorate.
It’s true that it only passed by 2%, but it would be easier to change 5% of straight white people’s minds that voted for Prop 8 than 100% of black people that voted for Prop 8.
Why? Because the the blacks that supported Prop 8 are ultra religious. And it’s just easier to change the minds of people who are less religious.
The gay marriage campaign has already moved onto Fresno and Sacramento. LA isn’t going to be the focus.
When all is said and done and gay marriage passes, Jasmyne will have only succeeded in creating an even bigger divide in communities.
TO INTP:
that’s the point Jas has been making all along on behalf of blk community. You white gays only come to us when you need our support for your white agenda otherwise you kick not only blk ass but latin/asian ass as you show your true colors.
All this prop 8 stuff has exposed deep seated racism in gay community — white gays are even more racist then straight ones.
And thank god you can go to straight whites for votes now and would leave people of color alone. We would be thankful to you.
To Rusty, President Obama has only been in office for less than 150 days. In case you have not noticed, the US economy completley collasped over the last several months, there has been an increase in violence in Iraq, North Korea is testing nukes in the air, the US banking system collasped, oh and GM and Chryler have completely collasped too. Do you really think that repealing DADT and reversing “don’t ask, don’t tell” should be the number 1 priority on a list like that? If the US economy and our foreign threats are not dealt with immediately and effectively, you nor me will have to worry about “gay marriage”, “repealing “gays in the military” or reversing DADT because the US will no longer be in existence!
PS, Rome was not built in a day! President Obama still has several hundred days left in this first term. Your response sounded very similar to what I heard Anderson Cooper and Andrew Sullivan rant about the other night on CNN. I am gay too like you probably are, but with the MESS Obama was left to cleanup, you cannot expect DADT and these other issues to be taken care of in the first few months of his presidency.
Every since Prop 8 happened I have not understood where Jasmyn is coming from. I’m not the white person she’s talking about, and I didn’t think I knew any that were.
Communication always breaks down when you lump a bunch of people together based on race, ethnicity, sexual orientation…including when you say “you white gay people”.
But, I get it now. I just had a big fight with a white gay man that I had worked on other issues with. He decided that we should “call out black bigots”. And he said black gays don’t have the balls to stand up to the homophobes in their community. Just everything that Jasmyn has described.
I tried to explain to him that his approach wouldn’t work. I think we fought for two hours while he cussed me out (and I cussed back) accusing me of being too soft and not wanting to fight. And it’s true, I do not want to fight with black people…I see nothing beneficial in doing that.
He called me ethnocentric…because I’m a white person defending the black community? I think that was just code for “n_____ lover”. Really.
He pointed to various black figures that had said homophobic things, and I was tryin’ to explain that the black community is not monolithic…like the gay community isn’t.
And…then he yelled at me, “JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP AND LEARN TO LISTEN” because I didn’t agree with his approach…and I’m trying to tell him how racist he sounds. And now how totally sexist he sounds as a gay man talking to me, a gay woman, that way.
And the more I thought about it…we really do have too many white gay men who are acting as the voice of the gay community. Because they’re louder and assert their white male authority and are possibly completely oblivious to the fact that they’re doing it.
So..yeah…I don’t know what the solution is because they won’t even listen to other white people.