A White Gay’s Guide to Dealing with the Black Community: Chapter Six: STFU Part Two and Why I am Going to Start the ‘Black Alliance Against Defamation From Gays’
Chapter Six:
STFU Part Two and Why I am Going to Start the ‘Black Alliance Against Defamation From Gays’
I am completely convinced more than ever that groups like the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation make up false accusations of homophobia just to have something to send out to their donors to show that they did something in any given month…and then ask for more money.
The latest victim of GLAAD’s fundraising is Shaquille O’Neal’s ESPN commercial featuring Shaq rejecting a “fist kiss” from sports commentator Mike Breen.
Shaq responds, “No fist kiss, no fist love, no fist hump. None of that. You’re a weirdo man. Stay over there … fist kiss … disgusting.”
And not that he has to prove his devotion to gays, but Shaq has said that he’d “protect a gay teammate” back when he boldly chased down some gay haters in Miami.
Nope, none of that mattered to GLAAD who forced ESPN to pull the commercial in the way that gay mafia often operates.
I say it’s time for a new organization to deal with GLAAD, something to the tune of the Black Alliance Against Defamation From Gays. I nominate the president to be Isaiah Washington and Shaq can serve as the vice-president.
In case the folks at GLAAD aren’t aware and their hired help hasn’t hipped them to game, in a post Proposition 8 era, stupid shit like this, isn’t going to win you any friends in the Black community or do anything to prove that white gays aren’t as racist as some of their straight counterparts. I’m just saying.
So in honor of GLAAD’s continued misplaced fundraising efforts at representing the gay community, tell me GLAAD, how does my ass taste? But first, STFU.
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS
CHAPTER ONE: Stop Preaching to the Choir
CHAPTER TWO: Blaming Blacks for Whites Behavior
CHAPTER THREE: Listen to Black Gays When it Comes to Black People…Duh!
CHAPTER FOUR: Just STFU Already
CHAPTER FIVE: Those Who Live in a Glass House Shouldn’t Throw Stones…
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*Shakes head*
That’s a damn shame. As a gay man, I will tell you that I would’ve had the same reaction Shaq had and I would’ve moved away from the guy too. He was acting weird and he made Shaq uncomfortable so he was well within his rights to move away.
Funny how they GLAAD doesn’t go protesting Adam Sandler or the legions of other white celebrities who make their millions at the expense of LGBTs.
I for one am down for starting the Black Alliance Against the Defamation of Gays of course I don’t know about making Washington president. While I don’t agree he should’ve been fired over the comments made at that awards interview (because said comments were taken out of context), he did put his hands on another actor (according to the multiple news reprots) and for that, ABC was within their rights not to rehire him. But I suppose we can make him a treasurer or something.
What I don’t think the Gay Mafia realizes is that each time they go after blacks (be it Shaq, Obama, or whoever) or other POCs, they lose all credibility. Because not only do they lose support from the LGBT POCs, but other liberals including progressive whites are going to distance themselves from them as to not be affiliated with their hypocrisy and bullshit.
You seriously need to get this book published.
I think that the rationale for not drawing attention to black homophobia is because it will make them not play well with others is stupid. Black people shouldn’t point out white gay racism because it will make white gay people less amenable to support black causes. Your logic is so twisted when you turn it around Jas.
As often you do with what you think of as racist, lets not just look at the surface layer of this commercial. You have shaq and the mike in his trailer, which would indicate that they know each other and that this is not some random person he just met(and if they did just meet, shaq’s body language kind of indicates he’s a bit of an ass but I digress). Now we also see many men congratulate each other when they do something well, with a high five or a fist bump. But when the guy labels it a fist kiss, it crosses the big gay line and makes Shaq uncomfortable. This is somewhat demonstrative of homophobia, you can not deny it, and if you do you are the hypocrite.
I personally am not offended by this, but I am not easily offended and often disagree with not only what gay white people call homophobia, but also with what you will call racism. It is a stupid commercial…and I can tell you if someone I was around did something they were proud of and asked for a fist kiss I would just laugh and do it…just saying.
Jas you really should get this book published and give free copies (even via email) to our white “leaders” in gay rights movement. GLAAD has nothing going on so they need something to scream about. Their time and their funder’s monies would be well spent if they advocated for more people of color in gay organizations and in the media especially after propostion 8.
Racism in gay community has to be addressed. I always discuss this with my blk friends that how much racism exists in gay community so that they go and tell their friends and family and no marriage is not an issue for me. I want to make sure that my own person of color community dont view me as popular media images of white gays showing off their tastes in fashion to food etc. I am busy in just surviving keeping health insurance, a job and to gay whites yes I do have graduate degree so you dont think this is an uneducated person of color speaking. We come from all backgrounds.
My issues are decent employment and equal opportunity for persons of color but how can hypocratic white gay community fight for that..look at their own power structures..overwhelming white gay men and women sharing the fruits of gay “rights” movement. white gays should be ashamed of themselves if they understand the meaning of word “shame.”
“Jas”
I think you have let people get the best of you hun. I have watched petition after petition appear and fade out. Thank god all of this is taking place online and not actually wasting 3 and 4 sheets of paper at a time. Have you ever talked to your counselor about taking some anger management classes. There are also prescription medications. There is no reason to let others keep you constantly bitter and unsatisfied wit life. Me and all my Tranny sisters will say a little prayer for you and speak in tongues.
Breast Regards,
Cyber Lady
Gender Transition Coordinator / Cafeteria Lady
Cyber Lady Ministries®
As usual, you kept it real with the truth, and, man, does it hit a home run, keep up the good work and telling it like it is in the real world.
to cyberlady,
you are most probably “white” and that is why you are using the old class white defense mechanism “angry black woman” or angry black men whenever that black person raise thorny and real issues which bite you
I think it is actually whites like you who need therapy and some drugs to bring you back to the changing realities of life in America and growing number of colored folks and their political will and power.
Jas you keep the good work up and I just congratulate you for all your guts to speak out in face of white gay mafia and I do think average gay white person is most probably not as racist but it is the institutionalized racism in gay organizations which is hurting all of us…their boards, staff are all populated with whites and thats how they take advantage of gay rights movement..one white joins the board get their white cronies jobs except few tokens of color running around doing their dirty work
So, Jas keep giving them doses of therapy..hey white folks its FREE so at least you are not paying anything by just listening to Jas..;-)
Good read as usual Jasmyne! Get this book published, really!
this book should be mandatory reading for the so called, self-appointed leaders of white gay organizations and their funders. Based on my work with gay organizations, culprits really are board members and upper management. In some cases, you would find that people on both board and staff have been there for years with no creative ideas; its like they are hoarding power and ofcourse in the process they silence any new and diverse voices….
i guess they dug their own holes by keeping the good old boy network of whites and hurt the entire gay community including colored folks by taking the movement back 20 years with this ugly racism stuff…what a shame but at least things wont be usual business now..well i hope that some wise gay folks would rise to the occassion and bring everyone together..wishful thinking..yes i know..;-)
Not going to say much on this except that I hope you are hurting yourself and everyone else in the gay community, regardless of race by keeping up all this stupid “gay mafia” talk.
If you wanna sound like right-wing nuts, fine.
no we should keep up the talk of racism in gay community and the “white gay mafia” that has hoarded power; they can win in courts but not the hearts of folks in the community with their dollars. My family and friends who support my sexuality connect with me because i share commone struggles with them — racism, access to health care, jobs — and not some fucked up imagination of some white gay men and their lavish weddings. Black gays need to spread the message how blacks and people of color are treated by gay whites. look at their organizaitons, their networks, their agenda..everything is white. ..
so to the previous poster please dont try to silence us so you could conduct business as usual after prop 8…that strategy of hush hush racism of gay mafia failed you in California…black gays also lost some rights that day with you whites and backlash would hurts us more then you gay white folks..Jas you go girl and don’t let these power mongers stop you from saying your mind
Silence you?
I didn’t try to and there’s no need to.
I can see Bill O’ Reilly and the other right wingers rubbing their hands, seeing how easy it is to pit minorities against each other.
Be a part of it in the least constructive way, if you like.
why dont you try to be constructive and directly address the issue of lack and status of people of color in gay rights movement and your own inner racism? And no few tokens of color for window dressing don’t count.
Dont fool anyone that right wing does not know about these divisions between gay whites and latino/blk/asian populations which are more socially conservative. The gay white mafia put out what Andrew Sullivan, a conservative who goes around shifting his opinions when it suits him..look at his sudden advocacy to lift the ban on HIV immigrants which is a good thing but he can care less for access to health care for HIV+ persons as long as he gets his meds..he infact glorifies that horrible disease…please…and then he says on NPR to Jas that we need to “engage” blks in gay marriage movement…
I imagined that the gay white mafia would at least come up with better spokespeople to “engage” blks rather then Mr. Sullivan but I guess all those folks are just blinded by their whiteness so much that they cant seek out the truth…
I firmly believe that gay whites would turn republican tomorrow if gays win acceptance by conservatives but then ofcourse that single issue acceptance does not help gay people of color as we would continue to fight with liberals for access to health, education, equal wages..these are not the issues of gay whites..no and Bill Riley knows all this..thanks to Mr. Sullivan
At least “coloredqueer” is judging me by the “content of my character” or whatever
I support gay causes but I had also heard about racism within the gay community. I always wondered why all the activities of gay folks always shows so many whites with hardly any other races in the crowds. I just didn’t realize the extent of the ugliness of racism unti the propostion 8 stuff happened. Obviously you can’t keep a lid on these internal issues forever. Now, my question to gay leaders is how they are going to address it. The first step should be to apologize to the black community and specifically to blk, latino and asian gay folks and then work together to address all kinds of discrimination. where are all the wise folks in gay rights movement?
As other folks on this site are pointing that “gay white mafia” is responsible for some of this racism, i recommend that you get rid of those folks at the top and build a movement from bottoms up. It may be hard for folks at the top to let the power go but gays have shown that they can be strong activists and take back their movement.
And I also do not agree with that poster who said right wing would use the differences. It is important to talk about differences and address them to build a stronger movement and get support from other communities. You people should know that we are neither blind nor deaf to these troubling racism issues in gay community and as minorities all of us have to work together and support each other to achieve social justice.
Unfortunately I do not see any resolution to the race relations in the gay community in the near future. You all are expecting the gays to solve the race relation issues that the entire globe has yet to resolve? Give me a break. Gay people of all colors are fighting for thier rights in America. And quite frankly the gay rights movement to take on with equal vigor gay rights and racial equality within the gay community is too much. Straight people have all their rights and priviledges and still haven’t conquered racism. The gay community needs to have people volunteer who want to be a part of the movement, and if they go out and solicit blacks and latinos then they get sh*t on because they are trying to get their “token” members into the organization. The gay community does not have the money nor resources to fight everything at once, they need to pick their battles, and honestly getting legal rights for gays should be a top priority. When you have rights to fall back on, you can then address other issues.
White gays, and I believe whites in general, will never be good enough in your eyes, and that is your call and your right to feel that way. But do not expect those people to want to jump on board to help you out, they do not owe you anything. You are not owed anything in this world. You want to fight for gay rights then jump into the white gay mafia pulpit and do it, or start your own group to do it. If a group out there isn’t fighting for what you believe in, or in a manner in which you want, then STFU and start one yourself. It is so easy to sit back and bitch up and down about how xyz is doing it wrong and not try to do anything about it. Bitching and talking about it don’t really do half as much as people think it does. Most of the time all the talking is extremely counterproductive…finger pointing and name calling is something that should be left in the 3rd grade sandbox.
To poster Geo,
your analysis is pretty flawed…it is white gays who think that everyone else (blacks, whites, asians or all non-whites) OWE them something and jump on their bandwagon of gay marriage and no we do not need a group to fight for “gay marriage” which is not our issue to begin with and that’s what is causing trouble at the camp of gay white mafia. Their sense of self-entitlement to dictate to communities of color what is important to us has been challenged.
So, please think carefully before going on a rant and nah I wont say STFU to you because we need healthy debates and discussions in the community to move forward. At least after prop 8 white gays are forced to acknowledge their racist behavior which they had been able to hush, hush so far. its funny how they got exposed and quite badly too.
Coloredqueer. Gay marriage is your issue, it may not be at the top of your list, but in reality it is an issue for all gay people. Perhaps you are not in a committed relationship with someone who is ill, or can’t work and needs health insurance. Bully for you, but there are countless other gay and lesbian couples who are in this boat and they are not all white. I don’t understand how you can get upset that the “gay white mafia” dictates what you should believe is important and then you go ahead and try and tell us all what is, or is not important. You are doing the same thing they are.
Also, please do not tell me to think carefully before posting something, just because it is a sentiment that differs from your own. Healthy debates are welcoming of all points of view, and therein lies the problem. In order to have healthy discussions all sides must be able to have their voices heard even if those voices are not in line with our own. We could try to have conversations within the gay community until our faces turned blue, but I doubt that there would ever be a resolution that would appease all sides. The best way to get things done is with action. And if you are unhappy with the current pace and direction you must find a way to work within the organization to get your goals accomplished or start your own in order to achieve instead.
I personally get very tired of finger pointing and name calling, it is counterproductive. I understand there is anger all around, but at some point we need to learn to deal with it in a better way. Calling all white gays racist and all blacks homophobic is destructive to moving human rights forward. We all have blame and responsibility in the current race relations within the gay community, and none of us should expect one group to be able to address all of the issues within the gay community. The easy road is to sit back and talk about how much hate is, or is not, in the heart of gays and blacks.
I am not negating the racism of some white gays, nor the homophobia of some black people. I am just looking forward to the point in time when we can all grow up and recognize that 1 rotten apple doesn’t spoil the bunch, and that both sides have many more allies than not, and that by one side labeling the other as white gay racists it will make this racial divide bigger and will in no way work to correct it.
wow Geo I love your quote which is so telling of gay whites and their attitudes towards people of color. No wonder why gay movement is so behind the times and remains grounded in racism. Here’s your quote:
White gays, and I believe whites in general, will never be good enough in your eyes, and that is your call and your right to feel that way. But do not expect those people to want to jump on board to help you out, they do not owe you anything. You are not owed anything in this world
All I have to say is that we dont owe gay whites anything either and no matter what gay whites would never treat us equally which is fine. We are strong and resilient people and have survived in the face of adversity for centuries.
We shall overcome!!!
geo you sound very frustrated as you and other white gays are having tough time getting your message of equality (for white gays) through communities of color. We understand that you are only willing to indulge in “debate” with communities of color after losing prop 8 and realizing that face of America is changing and becoming more diverse and white gay mafia can no longer write the rules of the game. Although that realization has come a bit late but it is a good thing that it has.
So, in the spirit of that healthy debate, I humbly offer some suggestions to you and gay white mafia:
1) Is the exclusion of non-whites in gay rights movement systematic by gay white mafia? how did these “leaders” got appointed in all these orgs? we know that they didn’t earn their leadership. Then, they inturn bring more white friends, colleagues with whom they feel “comfortable.” Many were operating in for-profit world and got those jobs through their connections with board etc. the result is leadership which is completely disconnected from folks at grassroots…so, perhaps having people of color on boards would be a starting point and I dont mean “tokens” but real, strong people of color. By the way we can smell “tokens” from miles so dont’ even try it.
2) who have been the beneficiaries of the progress or gay rights movement? why gay white mafia only puts out white images? once you acknowledge that aspect it would be easier to strategize next steps. Perhaps providing opportunities to non-whites and then using their stories in the media may help to show that gay people come in all colors, sizes, shapes and GENDERS.
3) please go out and try to meet some people of color and engage in some “honest” conversations while acknowledging your white privleged life. that would go a long way and don’t pretend to be their “friends” — we know a fake person when we see one.
4) make this stuff by Cannick a mandatory reading for all white gays. that would go a long way in developing your understanding of issues faced my people of color and how to work in harmony with non-whites.
5) many fortune 500 companies are run by people of color and successfully too; many adopted a culture of diversity and change and benefitted from those efforts. Analyze why those companies became diverse..what made them do it and how can gay community benefit from diversity. the sooner the gay white mafia undertakes such self-examination the sooner we would all get to equality for all. look it is ok to share power with others who dont look like you. we would only bring in more for you to share without taking much away from you.
In the meantime, my message to my fellow LGBT blks and other people of color is that hold your head high in the face of accusations and discrimination by white gays. And gay marriage is a not a priority for us and never has been. we struggle everyday just to survive and in the time of need it is our families who accept us and stand behind us and not white gay people who have stolen this movement and have further attempted to marginalize us.
Geo, what kind of “help” blacks have asked from gay whites??
Actually gay white mafia needs “help” from non-whites now because your racism has been exposed publicly.
Gao,
As a African descended transwoman, my primary issues of focus are the passage of ENDA and hate crimes, issues that the predominately white gay community has fought our inclusion in tooth and nail for a decade
Marriage will only benefit a narrow segment of the GLBT community, while the passage of ENDA and hate crimes will benefit the ENTIRE community.
You can’t get married if you unemployed or dead.
ofcourse those issues (ENDA, hate crimes or transgender people) are not the issues of “gay white mafia” dominated by weathly gay white men and women. They are not going to get fired from their jobs or are likely to face violence as they must live in “safe” wealthy neighborhoods.
Basically, gay white mafia has hijacked the gay rights movement and has defined it narrowly to “gay marriage.” In the process, they have been able to hush, hush their racism as well. But, now they have been exposed and they are just fighting hard to disguise their struggles as inclusive of all people of color and socio-economic status. Quite pathetic as these strategies just like the old ones will also fail unless they bring some “real” change.
Big sistah, you completely missed my point.
Coloredqueer, yes I am frustrated, but not for the reason you mentioned. I am frustrated that both sides are digging their heels in, and in the process are holding us all back.
Steve, you take the word help too literally. We all need to help each other achieve equality. No one is asking for help but we all need it.
Monica R, I do not disagree with you in any way shape or form. And agree ENDA is top priority, but marriage rights are still rights that potentially will benefit everyone in the GLBT community who find someone to share their lives with, and my first post had nothing to do with marriage, it spoke to legal rights.
You can all label me what you will, but think your labels for me are very telling of the future of gay rights. I am on the side of humanity, and the legal fights I have fought and won actually have been targetted at benefiting LGBT members of all races, and not issues that are necessarily seen as white only.
Geo, No I get your point and your entire thinking is concentrated on one issue which is marriage and you advocate for it with racist tone in your voice.
If you won legal fights then you are most probably a lawyer working for gay right groups. How come you do not respond to other posters who say why there are no people of color in gay white organizations? Do you think we are so uneducated to not see through that white shit?
I know how much racism exists in gay community. Even though I am a lesbian I tell my fellow church goers that we shall not allow gay activists (white or blacks) to come in and ask us to support marriage. NO, NO AND NO. first white gays must address their own racism before coming into my home and telling me what is right for me. That is what whites did to people centuries ago and made them sub human. Dont you see you need some sensitivity here to get into other communities and trying to dictate to them what is good for them…?
perhaps you may not have realized but at least days of slavery are over in this country as well as others.
big sistah. I am not advocating everyone to fight for gay marriage…I am arguing quite the opposite which is why I say you are missing my point. My sole point here is that is you have an issue that you want to fight for do not sit back and bitch about what others are not doing, get up and do it yourself. If you see a group that is fighting for something you don’t care about that is fine, you do not need to jump on their bandwagons, but their fight is still a valid one. We all have issues that other groups don’t give a rats ass about, and nor should they. But just because it isn’t our issue doesn’t invalidate the issue completely. And to attempt to invalidate their cause is to invalidate them as human beings, and if that is what you are interested in doing so be it.
I disagree about marriage rights with you, but I am not here to change your mind, honestly I don’t care. In time marriage rights will pass with or without your support.
I am floored by your insinuation of my racist ways, but hey I don’t know you, you don’t know me so no biggie. If the immediate response toward someone who is on your side who does not 100% agree with you is to condescendingly label them as a racist you will have some difficulties finding allies fighting for the causes in which you believe. And for the record, if you read my first post I make no mention of marriage, I only brought up the marriage issue to respond to another poster stating that marriage was not his/her issue. And I do not support the big gay organizations either…and in no way did I ever say that I did.
Hmm, I think making this about Shaq and *just* about Shaq is a bit much and re: it as *just* white gays makes it a issue that is too simple. You can’t ignore issues between black/white, but just can’t boil it down to it just being a black/white thing either.
The commercial *is* problematic because it treats the guy who is trying to show some male affection as being ‘weird’ and deserving to be rediculed for it. It is similar to the Snickers commercial a while ago. However, in reality straight men *do* do that and since ESPN knows their audience… I don’t know. I agree that GLAAD isn’t what is suppose to be, but I don’t think this is a “Lets Pick on Shaq” as it was a “Let’s get on ESPN” for making this commercial in the first place.
I get your anger in making white gay groups recognize other issues and their racism but how this issue is looked at seems for too simplistic as “BIg Bad White Gay Group Goes After Commercial Soley because of Shaq.”
Re: White gays having to prove that they are less racist than their het counterparts. Um, who didn’t expect otherwise? Racism infects all of us and expecting white gays to be any different is the problem. Surely, they say that but het white people do the *exact* same thing all the time. Gay racism hurts but its not like its any different than the racism in the mainstream culture unless we expect something from gay whites that we don’t from het whites.
yes racism exists in mainstream culture but the problem is that “white gays” not only discriminate against people of color including gay people of color but they also DEMAND that we support what they think should be the breadth of gay rights movement.
And if we don’t then they call us names and dehumanize us.
To me I get the triple whammy from both str8 whites and gay whites as well as yes trouble of getting accepted in my own community.
However, in my experience white gays are even worse then regular whites when it comes to fairness and equality.
Jas,
Please publish this guide soon. I cannot wait for your next chapter.
Please include more gay white groups to show to the community how most are white dominated with some tokens of color running around to wash their dirty laundry. I recently noticed that at 4-5 gay white orgs communication directors or coordinators are people of color with no people of color on upper management or boards. whats up with that..? Can someone tell me why these gay white folks do that..? Do they think hiring colored folks as communication people help them..? Its hard to believe that they think people in other communities are so stupid that we can’t see through that racist shit.
I just hope that gay white mafia overcomes their racism as it’d help all LGBT people including some of us who are colored in the community.
I don’t know why white gays have such hard time understanding and accepting that it is in everyone interests to diversify the color of the face of the movement. Now, Geo is that too hard for you to understand as I notice you do not want to admit how white the gay movement really is.
Big Sistah, you didn’t miss the point at all. It is actually folks like Geo who are in denial and Geo no we neither need to start our own orgs to advocate for marriage nor we need to join yours to support your white causes. We are fine that way we are and at the end of the day it is our families of color who support and nurture us in this racist world and not whites like you who have exploited other communities for their gain.
Blacks are no smarter than they were in the 50’s. They were always known to have inferior intelligence. A few have risen to the top but that’s just a farce to make blacks think they really are samart after all. Well they are no smart we are. Now we have a 50% – 50& in the white house. Boy he is playing it up well. That’s about as smart as they will be. Just stand around and chew your cud, Obama, Maybe that way you will keep us out of trouble.
You’re correct Anonymous @12:24 am. Blacks are no smarter than we were in the 50’s. You see we have always had blacks who were intelligent and briliant enough to be President of the United States. It just took an additional 50 years for enough intelligent whites and others to be able to drop their biases long enough to vote for the best candidate. And that was Barack Hussein Obama!
I am disgusted with the black community and black gay community. If blacks would learn to speak and act properly, live right, not depend on the gov’t, abstain from violence and homophobia, then maybe other nationalities would become more accepting of them. I am black and do not relate to anything of black culture.
Blacks expect things to just come there way, without working for them. Blacks are always playing race, as you are “Jasmyne”. It is past time to move forward. Yes, many people are racist towards blacks; my gay friends and I will not accept black people that are ridicuolously stupid, loud, hypocritical, and uneducated. Jasmyne, you yourself is racist dear.
Amen ‘I love my white life partner.’ Jasmyne is the WORST kind of racist. She is a vile beast that should be silenced. She takes up all these ’causes’ and blames the so-called ‘gay white mafia’ for all of her woes. I actually visit this site for laughs. She is so bitter and filled with so much hatred. No wonder she didn’t achieve success in the working world. There is nothing worse than someone who thinks she is ‘EMPOWERED’ and is really a big nothing. Do us all a favor Jasmyne and shut this site down!
Jasmyne ( is there anything more a amusing then the faux-african names of those who can neither spell or read )
if you were white you would be in the Klan.
instead youre just a dumb ho earning peanuts to clean the white master’s house.